One of those days...

Do you ever have a day where no matter what you just feel blah, like you're not yourself? Well, that's me today. I've been fighting the flu for over a week now and all in all am getting better, but today my body is just worn down and achy. Our gray, cloudy weather is not helping my mood any either. It's one of those days where I feel as if I'm up against a wall with no where to go. It feels as if the weight of the world is on my shoulders. Yes, I realize all of this is drastic and not realistic. But, as I said, it's just one of those days. I need a vacation, a temporary break from the reality of life. Unfortunately money does not grow on trees and our money is already going in too many directions at once. Maybe next year we can take a vacation. I need to find the positives in today, in life, in this year, in everything. I tend to focus on the things that I cannot control and change and fret over them. I know that life truly isn't that bad, that I have more blessings than I deserve. But today, today I am having troubles seeing them. Today all I see is that I'm sick, with a stupid lung disorder and the flu. Today all I see is that I hate my job and long for something more but don't have a clue what. Today all I see is that vacation seems a million years away. Today all I see is that I seriously have NO one to call and just chat with, to go out for a cup of coffee with. Today all I see is that I'm not a mom and am not getting any younger. Today all I see is an old, worn out car and no money or credit to get a new one with. Today I feel alone, unimportant, unseen, unwanted and unneeded. The Bible tells me that I should rejoice ALWAYS, regardless of how I feel and what life's circumstances are. I know that in my head, but getting it to my heart, well today that is proving to be difficult. Today I seem to be enjoying wallowing in my own self pity and loathing too much to find joy in anything.

Tomorrow... Tomorrow will be a new day. Tomorrow I am determined to throw off this gray mood and to find joy and beauty. Tomorrow I want to truly be able to say "the joy of the Lord is my strength." Tomorrow, with God's help, will be a new day, will be a better day, and I will be a better me. Many of the things I'm seeing today won't have changed, but the God I serve is faithful. I can honestly say that He has never failed me, He has never forsaken me. Tomorrow I need to be the woman that God created me to be. Tomorrow I need to cast off today, I need to change my attitude and outlook. I need to be joyful and thankful. Maybe I should start tomorrow today...